All right, people … I’M BACK.
New camera received–thanks Mom and Dad! It’s a Canon PowerShot SD 3500 IS, if that sort of thing means anything to you. It doesn’t to me. But it has a very big screen (which, it turns out, is actually a touch screen [I’m such an editor nerd that I just spent several minutes trying to figure out if “touch screen” is one word or two … I’m going with two until Chicago tells me different]), it switches to macro mode AUTOMATICALLY, and it’s definitely a big upgrade from my old camera. Scooooooore!
I will show you the first couple of photos taken with Mister Canon later in this post, but first, I need to completely change the subject. You see, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a couple of things: one, my personal style, and two, body image in general and mine in particular. Be warned: This is a long and somewhat rambly entry.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m pretty fat positive. As I don’t think I’ve mentioned before, I’ve recently taken up jogging. I used to jog all the time, and when I don’t, I miss it. I miss it to the point that I dream about it (sad and alarming, I realize).
So what does fat positivity have to do with jogging? I’ll spare you the extensive history of my body image drama, but the tl;dr version of the story is that I’ve been through more than one depressing, compulsive, and ultimately futile phase of exercise and weight loss in the past. As a result, for many years, it was very hard for me to separate “exercise” from “weight loss” in my mind. These days, I’m a lot better about that. Right now, for example, I’m on week four of my new jogging routine and haven’t lost a pound. In the past, this would have been more than enough to derail me, because what’s the point of exercising if it’s not going to make me lose weight? These days, I’m more concerned with how my body feels than how it looks, so it’s easier for me to remember that I do it because I LOVE JOGGING. I love the morning air and the thump of my feet on the pavement and the way it makes me feel amazing all day and sleep like the dead all night. I know all of this on a conscious level.
But getting it through to my subconscious has been a BITCH. Some naggy and obnoxious little portion of my brain is constantly piping up in an irritating, high-pitched voice: “Jogging! Oh great! Maybe you’ll lose weight now! Eat less! Jog more! No pain no gain! Fight through it! Never get anywhere at this rate!” Et cetera.
And if you’ve ever dealt with diety exercisey body image drama like I have, you know that this line of thought is a one-way ticket to Crazyville. For me, it tends to result in this: Oh yeah? You think I need to lose weight? Well, EFF YOU, TINY VOICE!!! I don’t have to do what you say! I don’t need to exercise if I don’t want to! Even though I really enjoy doing it and feel amazingly good on days that I do! So there! Showed you!
Except that the “you” I’m showing is, in fact, me. Self-defeating much?
So, in an effort to get through to my subconscious that I do, in fact, love my body exactly the way it is–which my conscious mind knows–I’m embarking on Body Acceptance Quest 2010. I’m re-reading Shapely Prose from back to front. I’m re-reading all my fat acceptance books. I’m devouring the Fatshionista! Livejournal community, the fuckyeahfatpositive Tumblr (be advised that that one’s not always work safe) and Marianne Kirby and Leslie Kinzel’s FatCast. And I’m making more of an effort to dress in line with my personal style, in a way that makes me feel beautiful.
All of this extensive background rambling to say: In the style of Fatshionista!, I thought I might start posting the occasional outfit of the day. My theory is that this might help me become more consciously (and eventually, subconsciously) aware and accepting of my body. So here goes nuttin’!
Forgive my face here … end of day + ravenous hunger + no makeup = TAKE THE GODDAMN PICTURE ALREADY
Also forgive the leopard-print cat sack, multiple pairs of roller skates, and detritus from hastily unwrapped camera on couch.
In case anyone is interested, I’m wearing …
And because I said I need more silly pictures here …
Not too exciting of an outfit today, but my hope is that this is just the first of many outfit-related posts. Who knows–documenting my outfits might even encourage me to get more creative and daring with what I wear.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to play with my Sephora Friends & Family Sale spoils, most of which were manufactured by the good people at Urban Decay. Pictures tomorrow!